Self Introduction letter
Self Introduction
Dear Mr Brad,
I am writing today to introduce myself to you and the class and provide more information about myself. I graduated with a diploma in
Aerospace Electronics from Temasek Polytechnic in 2020 and attended Anglo-Chinese School(Barker Road) in
secondary school. I was attracted to mechanical engineering due to the broad
yet useful spectrum of modules that can be applied to many aspects in the
future.
I feel that my communication strength would be my language
use, as English has been my strong suit. My mother is an English teacher in a
local primary school and so basic English has been ingrained in me even as a
child. This has helped me through my education, allowing me to easily learn in
my English subjects and modules. However, I feel that a weakness I have is a
tendency to write my essays without planning beforehand, which can lead to a
disjointed and confusing essay, especially for longer reports and essays. An
example would be my final internship report during my time at Temasek
Polytechnic, where I felt that my report was rather messy towards the end.
For this module, I hope to improve my presentation skills,
and also to be more confident in interviews. As for what I think makes me
different from the other students, it is my interest in shoes, or sneakers in
particular. It has been a hobby for me to collect limited edition sneakers for
almost 4 years now, and also sell some of them for a small side income.
Yours Sincerely,
Samuel Woo
Hello Sam great to know more about you!
ReplyDeleteComments:
In paragraph 1 line 2, you mentioned the abbreviation of your secondary school. It is important to first let us know the full name of the school, followed by the abbreviation.
In paragraph 2 line 2, "english" should be spelt with an upper cap -> English.
It is good that you backup your points with real life examples. It is great to know that you like sneakers. I'm just really impressed because collecting sneakers can be pricey, and it shows that you have the self discipline to save up for them.
Hello Sam, after reading the message I am able to get to know you better. In my opinion, there are not many grammatical mistakes. I hope that we can work together to improve our weakness in communication in this module.
ReplyDeleteHi Sam, Ridhwan here. Glad to learn more about you through this letter. Your letter is very clear and interesting. I noticed there are a few grammatical errors in your letter. One of which is on paragraph 2, "This has helped me through my education, allowing me to easily learn in my english subjects and modules". The correct sentence structure should be "This has helped me throughout my education, allowing me to easily learn in my English subjects and modules". Another error is also on paragraph 2, "An example would be my final internship report during my time in Temasek Polytechnic..." The word "in" should be replaced with "at".
ReplyDeleteHope you are able to reach your goals by the end of this module.
Dear Samuel,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this fairly clear, concise letter and the personal sharing. I appreciate that your content is basically aligned with the assignment brief. We do learn something about your background and interest in engineering and your familiarity with English thanks to your mom's job. We also learn a bit about your comm skills and your hobby in collecting sneakers. That's all interesting.
What's missing here is the substantiation. The letter clocks in at 250 words including the salutation. The assignment is for 300 words. For a person who in class seems very interested in what consistutes an A for our assignments, you would need to give us more detail and explanation for this letter to really stand out.
The letter is also missing the close. (You must know how a letter ends.)
In addition, there are a few areas of language use that need polish:
Problems with capitalization
-- See the repeated use of 'english,' which needs capped since it is a proper noun.
Problem with punctuation:
-- ...to introduce myself to you and the class, and provide....
-- ...I hope to improve my presentation skills, and also to be ....
-- ...It has been a hobby for me to collect limited edition sneakers for almost 4 years now, and also sell ....
Problem with a lack of transitions
-- You need to move from one idea to the next using connectors or transitions. For example, you jump from the idea of module goals to what maes you stand out without any word or phrase of transition. That makes the topic shift seem abrupt.
I look forward to seeing your communication development this term. One way that this might happen is if provide a bit less push back in class and take the module a bit more seriously.
Best wishes,
Brad